2 Straight Men Write Call Me by your Name
Written in a blind rage, in the style of The Toast's Two Monks
Straight guy 1: what turns on gay men?
Straight guy 2: feces?
Straight guy 1: haha yeah besides that
Straight guy 1: so like, when two men fall in love, are they generally around the same age?
Straight guy 2: aha no. One of them is an adult and one of them is a teenager.
Straight guy 1: cool, thanks!
Straight guy 1: also like is the older guy super obsessive and creepy?
Straight guy 2: hoo boy, yeah.
Straight giy 2: just like, think about how uncomfortable you'd feel if a guy hit on you and project that onto your character.
Straight guy 1: so I've got feces and teenage boys, what's another thing gay men find sexy?
Straight guy 2: have you got rape victims? Gay men find sexual assault incredibly sexy.
Straight guy 1: okay, I'll put it in.
Straight guy 1: I feel pretty good about this book.
Straight guy 1: like I think it's really going to make a big difference, not only as a progressive representation of gay people everywhere, but as a unique work of literature.
Straight guy 1: did you like my line about the apricock?
Straight guy 2: oh yeah man, that was genius.
Straight guy 1: I feel like I still need more sexy gay things.
Straight guy 2: ass-fruit?
Straight guy 1: perfect.